Writer explores "the pressure to say you're OK"

Los Angeles Times writer Adam Baer writes about the exhausting pressure on the chronically ill to say they're fine: 

As a survivor of multiple cancers and rare diseases, I've had to write my fair share of group emails alerting friends and family to medical news. So I understand the impulse to sound upbeat. Diagnosis emails and social-media posts are now a genre with set tropes and expected turns of phrase.

We swear we'll morph into rays of light during the darkest times in our lives. We vow to battle our infirmities — as if that were possible beyond seeking treatment — and to become “well again.”

I understand the importance of "staying positive." And I understand that people sometimes talk about the chronically ill as "fighters" and "warriors" in order to honor their courage in the face of adversity. But those words are also pressures on the sick to be shining examples of hope and courage.

I do my best to maintain an even keel and do what the doctors say. But cut me some slack. I'm sick, for cryin' out loud.

When friends or family say "you seem fine" or "your color is good" I know they're probably trying to reassure me (or at least themselves). I know they're not trying to make me feel like a malingerer. But they sorta do. And these comments basically offer no "in" to a conversation about how I really feel. They're conversation re-directors. Because, face it: in our culture, sickness and death are the antithesis of American vim, vigor, and get-up-and-go. It takes truly caring people to get past that. And most can't. Or don't care that much to want to.

Anyhow, Baer's article makes excellent reading, and my thanks to the MPN Research Foundation for posting this on FB, where you can read the discussion about the article.

Be well.

Related: Sometimes you just gotta sing the blues

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